What does “Quality of Time ” means?
This love language is very popular among women but few men know how to speak it. In fact men are not aware of this language.
Do you remember the most frequently repeated complaint women do about their partners or husbands? -Not listening them and not talking to them enough. What basically women want to tell you is they want to spend more face-to-face time with you; they want to create more connection with you; they want to be more intimate with you.
Men feel vulnerable in two areas: Work and Sex. A challenging problem of today is that men are suffering from their marriage or relationship. They don’t have not enough sexual interaction with their spouses in terms of quality and quantity.
If their work or both work and relationship is not working well, they not only feel like they failed the job, but also they feel they failed as men.
Relationships particularly marriage is difficult, because men are difficult.
I personally know some men who have executive positions at work and are very proud of being unreachable and unapproachable. They are happy with being difficult. Men are not aware of how much barrier and disconnection they create around themselves that prevent love and intimacy with women.
We as women are 10 years ahead of men in figuring ourselves out psychologically and twenty years ahead of men in wanting to and knowing how to create connection and mutually fulfilling relationship with another human being.
We do it beautifully with other women all the time, and we have tried to do it with men. So why do we have to work so hard and so long to create same connection with men?
Instead of asking a man to open up with us pull his teeth instead. We work like hell, but what’s the point?”
Because women are all about connection and men are not.
Because a man has a ton of work to do on himself to even want to come into a relationship and then another ton to know what the hell to do in it once he’s there.
That’s why men need so much help from women. Men need to overcome in themselves to want to be relational with their partner.
Most men are quite shy and uncomfortable at work and prefer to be alone. That’s why they have offices, garages, newspapers and televisions to be alone, to feel more comfortable.
Men are grown up with a gender training to be the strong, silent, independent type.
The lonely cowboy.
The man who doesn’t have any feelings to speak of and wouldn’t speak of a feeling even if by some miracle he realize he has one.
The man who doesn’t have any needs, including the need to relate to anyone. He is fine alone.
In the world of men, it is all about accomplishing, working and having the control, using time productively for important tasks.
Sitting down with your spouse and talking with her?
Being with her for the sake of being with her?
Sorry but we don’t see this on a man’s to do list.
Women are reaching out to their husbands, trying to talk to them, work things out with them. Men sit over there being defensive and mad and shut down and unreachable.
If you don’t have enough time to listen your woman, you won’t be able to create connection and intimacy she needs to have sex with you or to show her love to you. It is her requirement. It is her need. If you say you don’t have time to listen to her but have time to have sex with her, she will not want you and she will feel you are using her for your own pleasure. This is not love for her.
Are you are a man who’s smart enough to believe in the principle of cause and effect?
Are you mature enough to see that her unhappiness in this marriage and her anger at you are the effect and your bad behavior to her is the cause?
Are you strong and brave enough to change your behavior and make her to feel happy in your marriage or relationship?
How can you speak this language? Giving the best gift to her. It is your time.
-Treat your spouse with love and respect.
-Show your respect by listening to her when she wants to talk with you.
-Talk to her when she asks you a question about yourself, your feelings or your opinion.
-Turn off the TV and give her undivided attention at least half an hour everyday.
-Take a walk with her if she asks you to take a walk with you.
-Say kind, complimentary things to her so she feels good about herself and appreciate your being her partner.